Its been awhile...

Its been a few months since I did a blog post...after the Wyckoff Tri in June which I had focused on for months took so much out of me psychically and mentally.  I had so much work travel shortly after that I really needed to focus on.  Since June I've been to San Francisco, Dallas, Orlando, Chicago and back to Orlando.  This would be exhausting I think for anyone but for me it truly takes its toll and I basically had to shut myself down for the last few months and regroup. 


As this year comes to an end all I can do is look back and be incredibly proud of myself on how far I have gotten.  Although I am very hard on myself and continue not to give myself enough credit..deep down I know I have far exceeded what most thought I would be able to do...including my doctors!


I completed 4 triathlons since May 2014.  1 indoor tri and 3 sprint triathlons.  I also completed a Sprint Spartan race!


I have definitely made significant progress across the board...although I still technically am "recovering".  I am still not who I am...and most likely will never be but I see myself slowly creeping back.  Staying up a little bit later...able to do things that I wasn't able to do even a year ago.  I am remembering more and my short / long term memory is definitely getting better as well.  This has been a very slowwwwww process.  I am a very patient person but this has definitely been the hardest for me.  I also contribute getting older into this mix as well...that cant help my situation too much either!!


I still struggle with loud noises and have trouble filtering the conversations that go on around me.  A business dinner is usually torture for me.  All the different conversations going on are like nails on a chalkboard.  So I carry around ear plugs with me now and sometimes if it gets too much I just gracefully excuse myself and get myself out of there.  The exhaustion is still an issue but again getting better.  I just keep thinking it takes a long time and one day this will get better too...I am hopeful!


I am just starting to get myself back into training again...it has been hard getting back in the swing of things.  I have not felt that great these past few months.  All the travel really did a number on me and has taken me a long time to get myself better.  I think that's one of the most frustrating things is that it takes me twice as long to recover from things now.  But I guess in the grand scheme of things the key is that I get better!!

I have some goals set already for next year...and they are basically the same as last year...possibly 2 more additional triathlons...hopefully not to be the last one crossing the finish either! lol


I have truly appreciated all the love and support I get from so many of you.  And the thoughtful gifts!!! As horrible of an experience this was for myself and my family it really has shown me the true meaning of community, of family and friendships.  I can't tell you the new perspective on life I have...and truly what matters most.


I hope that I can continue to inspire and motivate people...not to just exercise but that anything is possible...especially when you are surrounded by positive people who genuinely care and love you.  I am the luckiest girl in the world in that aspect for sure. 


I am unsure if I will continue with this blog or not....something I will think about but I wanted to express my sincere thanks for another year of believing in me and supporting me. 


Wishing all of you a wonderful holiday filled with health and happiness...xoxoxo

She believed she could and so she did!

It has been a few days since I completed the most psychically challenging task to date!!!...all the months of training got me across the finish line by the skin of my teeth and with a little help once again from some friends.

June 20th - Wyckoff / Franklin Lakes Triathlon - Swim: 1/2 mile Bike: 17 miles Run: 5 miles

I think I had mentioned in an earlier blog or a facebook status that I had never done any of these distances before...so completing this Triathlon I knew was going to be difficult for me...but somehow I just knew I was going to do it.

It’s hard for me to say what was most challenging for me because I think each and every single one posed different problems for me. I think the bike though was probably where I wanted to throw in the towel...haha!

Swim: I was lucky enough the week before to participate in the Lap the Lake that YMCA organizes at the Indian Trail Country club. You had the choice to choose what distance you wanted to do so I chose the 1/2 mile swim. It is so incredibly helpful for those who are doing the triathlon the week after to see the exact distance you are swimming. So I knew last week that the half mile distance is FAR! But I did it! I did it slowly but I did it! I had my friend Christine right alongside of me who was so helpful. She happens to swim like a fish...so she was kind enough to stay right alongside of me to make sure I finished. I unfortunately would not have her next to me the day of the triathlon however. Being that she was part of a relay team...her wave was before mine. So I was doing this alone..just me...know one to give me a pep talk during the swim. I started off incredibly slow...I don’t know if it was all the seaweed that was throwing me off but the race just started and I'm already last...lol! I know I'm way behind because all of the other waves after me are now passing me!! So I finally see the end insight...thank god!!!  Time to get out of this wetsuit and on to the bike!

I am so relieved to be getting to the beach!!! 

Christine waited for me and we walked to the transition area.  I know others sprint to their spots...this wasn't happening! I needed to catch every breath I could!! I swear I think the transition is one of the hardest things to do...pealing off a wet wetsuit is no easy task!!!

Christine right there about to help me get out of this wetsuit!!

 

Bike: Time to get on this bike now and ride further than I ever had.  Never did 17 miles...the most I had ever done was about 11.  Again...I realize I am so far behind everyone else because I am pretty much allllll by myself the entire bike course.  This was not only depressing but I was so very nervous!!  So I went even slower cause I can actually feel my heart start beating faster and I know this isn't good.  All of sudden I hear someone behind me...I'm like wow where did you come from?! haha! I can't tell you how happy I was to see him.  Let me introduce you to Phil! Phil was telling me that he had gotten pulled out of the water and they needed to take his blood pressure.  Getting pulled out of the water is automatic disqualification.  Phil continued on the race not realizing this. So Phil and I finished up the bike course....he said he would even let me go in front of him so I wasn't last.   I am convinced Phils purpose on this day was not to finish the race... his purpose was to get me thru that bike ride.  I am 100% convinced that Phil was my guardian angel at this particular moment when I really needed it. A stranger who I had just met....just wanting to see me succeed after hearing my story.  Awesome!

Me and Phil coming into the transition area...poor Phil didn't even have his helmet on!!

 
Time to transition now into the run... Thank goodness the weather was cooperating...cloudy and in the 70's...no sun beating down...I am beyond relieved!!! I am so psychically drained from that bike ride and the thought of running has me on the verge of tears until I see some of the most amazing people in my view. 

If you recall the last Tri I did I mentioned that a few of my friends finished the race and then ran again with me for the last leg.  So knowing that they would all be finishing way before me they were all ready and waiting for me...including my husband this time around.  Let me introduce to you...my Secret Service Detail:

 

Look at these people...suits, sunglassess, earphones..just incredible!
 

Run:  Talk about having supportive people in your life.  Jerry, Laura, Val, Christine and my husband Chris...all ran the remainder of the race with me.  They knew that I would be all alone at that point....they ran the remaining 5 miles with me.  They thought it would be funny to all dress in suits to look like secret service...I mean I couldn't believe they actually did this!!  Hysterical!  I think someone thought I was a congresswoman..lol!!! I still have trouble putting into words how they made me feel.  Truly amazing!!! I did my best with the run...I knew I wouldn't be able to run the entire time but I reallly tried.  I was totally running out of gas at this point.The volunteers had already left the water stations...thankfully they left the water at least!  And then it happens...talk about a dejavu...the cop car is behind me!  I know what this means...this means I am the last person to finish the race.....sighhhh!!!  How did this happen...AGAIN!!! I jokingly say...at least I am consistent..always last!

Between the cop car, my secret service, the girls...what a moment...one I will never forget!

 So we are on are last mile...and I see Shay and Camryn come running to me.  I started to cry at that moment because all this time I have been really trying to set an example to show what being strong is all about. For them to see me push thru and finish meant so much to me. 

I have finished!!! However I did it...I still finished!  It bothered me to be last until I sat down and broke the last year down...and how on this day a year ago I was in physical therapy just trying to get my strength back from the incident.  So I shouldn't be upset with myself...I need to be proud of myself for what I accomplished.  And I am!  I finished something that healthy people don't even attempt to ever do.  With all my obstacles and curveballs thrown out at me...I finished!

I have really enjoyed and have a new love for this sport.  The satisfaction one feels afterwards is just incredible.  One thing I will say and I can assure you is that....this was the last time I will ever be last!  I can't wait to continue to train and get better and better...and I know that I will.  I have been told that I need to have patience but this was definitely the last time. 

On to the next tri in July!!  I'm going to keep going as much as I can. I love having something to look forward to...something to train for..it really fuels me!!!

Back to Phil quickly...I have since been in contact with him...I have found Phil!  I wanted him to know how grateful I was for him...I think he was a big part in me finishing this race and I will be forever grateful for him. 

Thank you thank you to everyone who has cheered for me supported me let me borrow stuff has given me advice has offered to run with me bike with me...I mean I can go on and on!  Thank you!

I'd like to think all my training paid off but I also know that the determination I have inside is what at the end got me across the finish. 

Yes I can!

So it appears I have totally missed the entire month of May for my blog :( ... I really didn’t mean to but I just have had little time and energy to do much of anything :/

Since I last did my blog...I have checked a few more things off my "TO DO List". I feel like I have learned even more about myself and more than ever I have taken the saying "where there is a will there is way" to an entirely different level...haha!

On May 3rd I participated in my very first Sprint Triathlon. This took place down the shore at YMCA Camp Zehnder Wall, NJ ...it was named the Bubble Triathlon. I needed to Swim 200 Yards, Bike 11 Miles, Run 3.2 Miles. This would be the very first time I was getting myself on an actual bike since my incident. All this time leading up I was just training on the stationary bike at the gym. This did not go that well.....haha! I never fell or anything but man was I slow! I was nervous about my balance, not knowing how to shift gears...it really was difficult but slow and steady I made it thru it. It was during the bike portion that I had realized I was the very last person! I'm like how did that happen...how did I become last? The poor people directing traffic were waiting for me to shut it all down!! "Come on lady pedal faster"...is what I think they were saying under their breath! haha!

As I was riding one of the cops pulled up to me and tells me what a good job I'm doing and then shares with me that he had to be removed out of the water by lifeguards the last time he attempted to do a Tri and never got to do the bike or the run! ...so I was much further than he had ever done! I thought that was really nice of him to share that story with me...only for the sake of making me feel better about myself.

I forgot to also share that I have right beside me my coach/psychical therapist/ my friend Jerry Yoo. I have spoken about him before :). Here is a man that can win the entire thing....he got out of the pool and waited for me. He road right next to me and tried to guide me on how to shift gears. He is truly the best example of a selfless person. He shared with me that this was one of the first times during a race he was ever able to take it all in...there was no pressure for him.  His only job was just to hang out with me during this race :)

So I finally make it back into the transition area....and now it is time to run...good god! Running...how I loathe you! There is nothing good about running in my mind...I am not good at it period! It hurts my insides! My legs feel like jello but let’s now run a 5k...blah! So me and Jerry take off and are ready to run and there are two more amazing people joining us...Laura and Amy. They are part of our fitfam and they just got back from finishing the triathlon. They turned around and went back out with me and Jerry. Amazing! I made sure I told them not to ever expect me to do this for them...lol because there would be no way! hahaha! So now we are all running this last stretch of the race. It was a really beautiful run I have to say. We are finally coming up to the end and I realize we are now getting a police escort....are you frigin kidden me? Let’s bring more attention to the slow girl! hahaha!

We are coming into the finish and Jerry hangs back and lets me cross over the finish first so he is the very last person to finish the race. Again...amazing selfless people!

All of the volunteers were there cheering me on with of course my husband and our new friend Tasha. Since my husband had some time on his hands while waiting for me he had told a few people my story. These people that I didn’t know seemed so genuinely thrilled to see me cross that finish line. Not just so they can go home and call it a day...but were just so happy for me. I was so happy for me! That feeling of psychically crossing that finish was the most incredible feeling for me. Like wow I just did that. I didn’t have a heart attack and I finished...yay me!

Jerry, Me, Laura and Amy.....amazing people.  I am so grateful for all of them!

Thrilled I was able to do this race before the one I have coming up in a few weeks. It was real great practice for me.

In May we also celebrated Mother’s day...one of my absolute favorite days! I had to go on a business trip to Atlanta and we celebrated my beautiful girls Shays16th birthday!

Enjoying a beautiful day in Hoboken on Mothers Day with my best girl xo

Back to training...Jerry had mentioned several times to me that I will need to practice swimming in the open water for the upcoming tri on June 20th. He had finally put me in touch with this woman Ellen who trains all levels of athletes in the open water including himself. I went up there with a few others and what happened next I wasn’t expecting. I had a panic attack in the open water! I cried like a big baby! Swimming in the lake water without seeing the bottom really is something I never really gave much thought to...it is a completely different animal than swimming in the pool! I finally got my barring’s and I was able to do it...thanks to Ellen for calming my nerves...she is amazing! Swimming in the outdoors really was a great feeling...sun beaming on your face a swan swimming nearby with her babies...just a completely wild experience for me. I will need to keep practicing as much as I can before the 20th to make myself comfortable in that lake!

A gorgeous morning right on the lake! Open water swimming is no joke!!
 

As if I didn't have enough to worry about and train for...I had signed up to do the Spartan Sprint up in Tuxedo NY June 6th. If you recall I had posted a picture of me wearing a helmet last blog :) This was by far the most psychically hardest and challenging thing I think I had ever done in my entire life! Hills Hills and more hills! Holy crap! I had tears in my eyes at one point...I really was like why the f@*& am I doing this willingly! So after crawling under barbwire, scaling a few walls, carrying a bucket filled with rocks up a hill...and much more with my hubby and fitfam right alongside of me....another check off the to-do list and another finish without having a heart attack...yay again! So grateful for my husband and the others that helped us get thru every obstacle!

Love my husband so much for being there for me :)

So now that I have finished two big things....this is what I have learned...I never felt that I was/am fully ready for either of these races...the Tri or the Spartan. I felt like I should have trained more running up hills and I should have practiced the bike etc...but what I have learned is that psychically I CAN DO THIS....my body is saying I can...it’s my mind that questions it. So when my mind is cooperating...I CAN DO THIS. I am not a 100% where I should be for this upcoming Tri which is longer than the Sprint Tri ( 1/2 mile swim 17 mile bike and 5 mile run)...I have never done any of those distances. I am praying and hoping that my body cooperates but more importantly my will and my determination will get me across another finish line on my "to do" list.

I have appreciated so many of you reaching out to me to offer some guidance and sharing some of your own experiences with me. I can’t tell you how much it has meant to me. The continued support is just simply amazing. I have this weekend a practice run...its called Lap the Lake up in Franklin Lakes, NJ.  This takes place in the same lake where the actual Triathlon will be.  It allows people to basically practice in the lake a week prior to race day.  So I will have this to do this upcoming weekend...and I'm so nervous!  I'm nervous because I know this will determine a lot for me...I pray it doesn't take me too too long and I simply don't let my nerves get the best of me and I finish.

I love how so many people are wanting to come and cheer me on for the upcoming Tri on the 20th. It really means so much to me...I've been telling people to come with a chair and a cooler lol...god knows how long this will take me.  But I am going to finish!!!

Thanks again for all your love and support!!! xo

Progress not perfection!

I have been feeling incredibly overwhelmed lately!! I feel like I just don’t have the energy to fit in one more thing. My brain is truly at capacity! I have a business trip fast approaching which means a lot of extra work during the day...I feel like at the end of the day I can barely function. Sometimes I wonder if this is my brain injury or if it’s me getting old!! haha! Either way I am mentally drained!! Physically...I am dealing with a few hiccups but overall I am pushing thru it!

I participated in my first official tri this past weekend. It was an indoor tri in Westchester, NY. I went by myself...everyone that I asked to do it with me had a commitment already so I decided that I am a big girl and I can do this alone. I wanted to know the feeling of what it felt like to compete.

My wave was at 8:20am. I had to swim for 10 minutes...bike for 30 minutes and then run for 20 minutes. I know to many this doesn’t seem like a lot and on paper seems almost like anyone can do it. In all the time I've been practicing swimming I have been using fins. Not using the fins makes you almost feel like you are learning how to swim for the very first time again!! Last week I felt a bit frustrated and lost without them. You are obviously not allowed to use them for the actual triathlon. I also at the end of last week got sick...I had a fever on Friday and my head and throat hurt. Never a good time to get sick but I am like "please let me get better quickly"!!! I don’t think being sick hindered my performance...it was just one more thing I had to worry about which was trying to get better!

While waiting for my wave to begin I met a lovely woman named Meg who was going to be along side of me during the race. She shared with me that she had hip replacement surgery a year ago! Just validates for me again that everyone has a story!!! I couldn’t believe it! I shared my story with her...and we jokingly laughed and told the score keepers we were going to let the other girl win...so no need to pay attention to us..lol! The other woman in our wave was absolutely amazing....she had done a bunch of tri's before and man can you tell. I have felt pretty confident about my swimming up until this past Sunday. I’m not sure what happened...but I only completed 10 laps. I know this is still an accomplishment but I definitely had hoped I would be able to do more in the 10 minutes. I had done 30 laps a few weeks ago. I obviously took breaks and it definitely took a while but I did it. I thought adrenalin would kick in and I would be fine and I would do more than that...but I didn’t. I felt my chest get super heavy and my legs felt very weak and I knew I should not push myself. Whistle blows and we quickly change in the locker room...which I don’t know about you but trying to quick change after being wet into dry clothes / sports bra is a workout in itself! We head up to the bikes...and begin our 30 minutes. My legs feel awful...already! This part should technically be the "easiest" part. I don’t feel well at all...I feel like my heart is beating a mile a minute and all I can think about is I am here by myself and no one knows me or what happened to me except for my new friend Meg. Sure I have my Road ID bracelet that explains what is wrong with me but I am truly scared and just not feeling comfortable. So I do what my gut tells me and that was to take it back a notch and go even slower...so that’s what I did. If there is anything I have learned this year it’s to truly listen to my body. I wound up doing 6 1/2 miles. Again, a little disappointed because I know I have done more than that in 30 minutes..o well. Now on to the running which is by far my worst...this should be interesting! I started the 20 minutes with a walk for a few minutes because my legs are feeling like jello from the bike....I wound up doing 1.36 mile. I am ok with that...because I know I suck at running and this will definitely be my worst of the 3. I have to chuckle when someone asks me what my best out of the 3 is...I really don’t think I have one hahaha!...I find them all challenging but I really truly love this sport. It’s so out of my comfort zone in every area. But there is just something about it that I am completely drawn to.

So I finish my very first official tri...I get a t-shirt that says I am a "Tri Athlete"!!! I know in the grand scheme of things I have to be proud of myself. I have to look at the big picture as to where I was a year ago and where I am at this very moment. But I am still a competitive person...its ME vs ME and I want to do better and get better at everything I do. I know I have to work harder then the normal person but I know deep down I can do this. I just know I can...but I just don’t know how much more I can psychically do!! I feel like I am tapped out as it is.

I am signed up for a Sprint Triathlon this upcoming weekend down in South Jersey....this one is 200 yards in the pool, 11 miles on the bike (outside) and a 5k. After last weekend’s performance I am wondering "how the heck will I complete this"?....but I can only continue to believe that I can...right? This one I will have friends along side of me which makes me feel a little bit better...I just may be able to push myself a tad bit more...feeling a bit safer already.

Next up after this will be the Spartan Race In Tuxedo NY...which I had to buy a helmet for. The brand is called nutcase...how appropriate right?! I can't take a chance with the obstacles and falling on my head! I don’t feel like I have trained as much for this as I would have liked. I have put the Tri Training as priority. Then a few weeks after will be the biggie...June 20th will be the triathlon I have been training for ( 1/2 mile swim / 17 mile bike / 5 mile run) and again I wonder how the heck I am going to finish...I hope that guardian angel of mine makes some kind of appearance...haha!

 

So I may look a little silly...but it is what it is!!!!

Back to Meg who I met at the indoor tri...she did incredible!  She didn't even train and she did amazing...she did better then me.  Here is a woman in her 50's with a hip replacement killing it at this indoor tri....people like her inspire me and keep me going. So many people have obstacles and they finish marathons, triathlons,etc...makes me believe that regardless of what has happened to me I can get thru it.  I have been completely in awe of this woman Stephanie Freeman who suffered a brain injury as a teenager...in a coma for 2 months she was given very little chance not only to live but to walk!! This woman is doing marathons!!! ....these are the kinds of people that really fuel me.  She continues to be someone I look to for motivation and I just simply think she is incredible.  She has brought so much to brain injury awareness...she is doing amazing things!!  I aspire to be like her...like myself she is a mother and she is a survivor.  If she can do it why can't I do this??  I know I had something serious happen to me but in my heart I know I can do it.



Meg and I after finishing our very first triathlon!

I am by far my toughest critic...and many people say I'm too hard on myself.  And I know that I am.  I want to so badly be who I was...even though I know I can't be.  But its really what keeps me pushing forward.  I think by being a little hard on myself has also helped me...I just have to keep reminding myself to strive for progress not perfection.  Something I am learning!!

I attended a running workshop last night at the gym I used to go to.  It was refreshing seeing old familiar faces there.  The only reason why I had stopped going to the gym was because I needed a gym with a pool. I am trying to do whatever it takes to tackle all these goals I have planned for myself.  I am trying to absorb whatever information I can get anywhere I can!! I am beyond grateful for all the people I am meeting along the way on this journey that are so willing to help me.  It really is quite incredible.  People are so nice...I say this practically every day and really mean it. I honestly dont know what I'd do without a bunch of you!

Enjoy this beautiful day everyone!


 





 

 

And it continues....Day 3 and 4

My husband returns!!!.….

Over the next few months, I will be guest blogging on Patty’s site and providing everyone the story from my seat on what happened from February 20^th, 2014 till now…… I had provided updates on Facebook throughout this ordeal but here is where I am able to brain dump my side of the story. There is definitely a lot of information I never made public….I hope you can follow me over the next few months where I can share my story around this nightmare that my family was dealt with and the miracle that has happened.

Days 3-4 - Special Support Staff

When I left the night before at around 9-10pm after Patty had gone to sleep, I was working on a 40 hour straight shift and I was completely shot out of a cannon. I remember getting home to my mom reading a book...I only spoke to her for a few minutes and went straight to bed cause I knew I wanted to be back at the hospital the next day very early. Waking up that Saturday morning of February 22, 2014 was surreal and went into the shower and headed to the hospital so I could be there when she woke up. Remembering every minute on what Walzman said that the highs and lows are going to happen more than you would want. On the way to HUMC, I stopped at the bagel store and ordered an egg white on a whole wheat everything bagel, large coffee, Arizona Green Ice Tea and the Daily News and this would occur like Groundshog Day for the next 22 days. As I arrived that morning around 8am, I remember heading up the elevator and truly not knowing what to expect, I mean, nobody called me overnight for any emergency so that must be a good sign. All rested up, my head is clear and I remember turning the corner and seeing Patty all tubed up and resting comfortably. I met with the nurses and asked about last night and they said she started to get headaches but they are treating her with meds to make sure she is comfortable. I would sit down, eat my breakfast, read my paper and thank god for my phone and Facebook and group chats or depression would have gotten the best of me during this time of need. During the course of the day, Shay was there with her Dad and Amy, my parents and Susan spent most of the day. Today was the day that I really understood the importance of the ICU nurses at HUMC. I would sit there and watch them take care of Patty but I watched how they managed the other patients, the patients family members (has to be the toughest part of the job) and manage the many doctors throughout the day. Truly an amazing staff there and I will be talking about them throughout this journey.

When you have an emergency in life, your family comes rallying around you, your friends from all angles comes to help but Patty and I are lucky to have a work family that truly have been the rocks around our lives this past year. When I was sitting in the ER with my lifeless wife on life support, I made a bunch of calls to tons of people. Two people I called, my boss at CDI at the time, he has since retired, Bob Laurenzo and Joan Gutkowski, Patty’s boss from KPMG. The support that I received from Bob Laurenzo and Trish Bakker, CEO and owner of CDI, was truly amazing with checking in throughout the first few days and making sure the company was aware of what was going on. Trish’s profession before being owner of CDI was a nurse so those instincts took over and she is also a great mom...so those took over too. Here is the note from Trish to the entire company (Truly amazing):

Good Morning All,

It is with a heavy heart that I send this message today asking all of you for your help.

Prayers are needed for the Clark family. Last night, CDI's Chris Clark's (NJ sales rep) wife Patty collapsed and was rushed to Hackensack University Medical Center due to a ruptured cerebral (brain) aneurysm. Thus far, she has undergone two surgical procedures, one last night and one this morning to control/repair the bleeding. She is in the Intensive Care Unit and needs our prayers for a full recovery. Please keep Patty, Chris, and their two daughters, Camryn & Shay in your prayers.

If there is further information to share, I will do so. In the meantime, please do not call Chris or take any action, as you can imagine he is overwhelmed, scared and exhausted.

Thank you,

Trish

Back on Thursday night, I spoke to Alicia Noubi who works with Patty and needed to get Joan’s number to make sure she was made aware on what was going on. I had known Joan for many years, seeing her at the office when I visited, Xmas parties but as many significant others bosses, you know them from hearing about each other’s day. The support I received from Joan over those first few days was truly remarkable and this is where you know that yes they have the “boss” title next to their names, but they are truly friends past the corporate titles. I consider Joan a friend of mine now and we even went to the next level and said we were BFF’s….haha! There are moments in your life that you realize you met someone for a reason and made decisions in your life to switch jobs....the people from CDI and KPMG are those moments. So I thank everyone from both companies for the support and love you gave me over the darkest days and have given to Patty over the past year.

Saturday day continued into the night and I turn around and Adam and Liz Wolfson come flying in and Liz at the time owned a hair salon and in her possession had to be 50 magazines from the salon, I was almost afraid she robbed a bodega! haha! They visited for a little but explained that they have a week’s worth of food that they want to drop off at my house for me, my mom and the girls. That moment was a touching point for me because people are just so fucking nice. Getting dark now and Patty had a pretty good day but her days have these ups and downs… and then the Romano’s…Frank and Sue come to visit. I remember Patty basically waking up so quickly in the reaction to seeing them because they are important people in our lives and have been for a very long time. They only stayed for a short time but there goes to show you that the support for us is here and very strong. I left the hospital around 10pm after another 14 hour shift, but the days are definitely going by quickly.

Day 4: Sunday February 23, 2014 was just another day there at HUMC with headaches starting to come more frequent due to the blood in her brain that was not draining from the tube was starting to dry up and cause massive headaches especially throughout the night. Thank god for the doctors and nurses. The same group of people came and spent the day, Shay, her Dad, Amy, My parents, Susan, Theresa and Camryn made her return to the hospital. Mary Ellen, my cousin Eileen and Cookie were some new faces who came to visit with Patty. The people visiting during the day was a huge thing I think in her recovery, at times overwhelming but the love that came out of those visits were unreal. My cousin Eileen Greer was driving on that Thursday night when Patty collapsed and took this picture of the sky ...she knew it was a sign from God that Patty was going to be alright, she printed the pic and brought it to the hospital and the frame sits over our fireplace now.  During the day on Sunday, we had two visitors that came by to visit with Patty were Joanne Dinelli and Josh Binn. When I went back to school at Felician, they were in my cohort and two of the best people I met during that time and they happen to work at HUMC. Joanne actually works for Walzman and ordered Patty’s coiling, small world and weird and Josh runs the OR. Just great to see them and their support means a lot to me.



This picture doesn't even begin to show its real beauty in person that was captured by Eileen G

Another 14 hour day is complete and you can see that the fight that Patty is putting on each minute of the day is unreal. The journey continues the next time and we will head into the lows of lows in the next few days…..till next time.

*******

It still amazes me when I actually read what happened instead of being told. It gets me very emotional....especially when I am reminded how much people cared and took time out of their incredibly busy lives to come see me in the hospital. I think I touched on this last week about surrounding yourself with "good"...but I can’t say it enough. Even the people you work with...if you are lucky enough like we both are to have such an incredible support system... another contribution to my incredible recovery.

My training continues for the upcoming triathlon...I have about 10 more weeks! I feel like I am behind and I need to start doing more. I am not sure how to do this however! I am using everything I got early in the morning as it is. I am not sure some days how I will do this...I really wish I felt as good as people think I feel..ha! Maybe once the warmer weather kicks in that will also help. I just know however…I am doing this!!

I can do this!!...over and over I say this to myself when I do anything these days.  I swear people must think I'm so strange on how much I talk to myself haha!

My best advice that I can give someone is to register for a race or a competition etc...Let me tell you...it will keep you motivated!! Especially on those extra hard days when you don’t want to get out of bed...you will! I can’t tell you how many days I have had that I truly had to talk myself out of the bed.  It is definitely so much easier to be lazy…but I never regret my decision once I am all done.  I wish I can feel as good as I do afterwards for longer periods of time.  I am told this will hopefully get better…I have to understand and still accept the fact that I am still technically "recovering" but it just seems to be taken longer than I would like....I know I know patience Patty patience!!!

Wishing you all a great week…praying for some nice warmer weather!!!

Surround yourself with GOOD!

I can’t believe March is over.  This past month flew!!  I felt like we hardly had a chance to come up for air.  Things at work are really picking up and my brain is on overload!  My apologies for not posting the last few weeks.

We actually got to go on our first vacation since everything had happened a week ago.  It really was so nice to get away and just completely check out.  We went to Marco Island, Florida…we had never been there and it really far exceeded our expectations. Huge thank you goes out to Trish and Eric Bakker who own CDI, the company my husband works for....and took away 300+ people to paradise… What a beautiful place!  I really am looking forward to going back one of these days. 

 

My early morning stroll on the beach....life is good!!!

While we were away we woke up one morning to the very sad news of a local channel 7 ABC news reporter Lisa Colagrossi that had died of a brain aneurysm.  This really hit home for both my husband and I.  It once again puts things in perspective and lets us know how blessed one is.  You start to again question why you were spared…why you were one of the lucky ones.  One thing I have realized this past year…is that whether you know the person or not….anyone who has had a brain aneurysm or I think any “survivor” of anything you feel an instant bond with that person that only those who have gone thru it or know someone that that has understands.  My heart breaks for her family, friends and colleagues.  All this happening during a vacation that I am beyond grateful to be on to begin with and had so many moments of “I can’t believe I am here”…it really hit us hard.  I appreciated all the messages I received when this happened of people simply just reaching out to me and thinking of me. 

Within days of getting back from vacation I am quickly trying to get myself back on schedule…I was at the gym swimming training for this triathlon that I know will be here before I know it. I am 11 weeks out! I am doing my thing and this older gentlemen who I have seen at the same time for the past few months proceeds to tell me how much faster I have gotten.  It was so nice to hear from someone that doesn’t know me one bit.  We started talking and I shared my story with him…after he lifted his jaw from the floor he proceeds to tell me that his daughter has had two brain aneurysms and she is paralyzed on her one side.  I am not only in shock that here I meet someone who’s been touched by a brain aneurysm but twice in one week I am once again reminded how lucky I really am.  Him telling me that his daughter is paralyzed on one side and here I am just getting done swimming a bunch of laps training for a triathlon. Blessed doesn’t even sum up how I feel.  Another sign for me not to be so hard on myself!

 

I truly believe that all people we meet are brought to us for one reason or another….there was a reason I met this man.  Somehow someway we were meant to meet.  He is a new friend of mine now and one I look forward to seeing whenever I swim.   We now share a bond. 

I also had the opportunity this past weekend to celebrate a friend’s birthday…this friend is like no other.  My friend Nicole…I did not know her at the time but she was my first responder on the scene when my incident occurred.  She was at the gym working out…saw me crash to the floor and called 911.  She stayed with me…she knew it was serious and because of her and the staff members at the Hackensack Fitness and Wellness Center….I truly believe they are the reason I am here today before any of my doctors / nurses got to me at the hospital.  I am forever grateful for Nicole and the others from the gym.  I was thrilled to be invited out for her birthday this past weekend. Again…another person I know is meant to be in my life.  

 I know that the people we meet are meant to be…whether by choice or by chance…each person has a purpose.  Today I celebrate someone who is incredibly special to me.  Back in 2008…I happen to be doing cartwheels on the beach.  Yes I know this is not normal behavior for a grown adult but it really felt great at the time until I pulled my hamstring! This landed me in physical therapy at Maven SportsMedicine.  Here is where I met Dr. Jerry Yoo.  Within seconds I knew I was in good hands.  For whatever reason or another I would have to make yearly visits to Maven.  Through the years Jerry not only was my physical therapist but he became a very good friend of mine and my husbands.  I have never met a more genuine person then him. While in the hospital my doctors had wanted me to be transferred to an inpatient rehab.  My husband felt the best place for me was to be home with the kids and my dogs.  After speaking to Jerry and figuring out a few logistics the decision was made that I would go home and my rehab would be done at Maven with Jerry.  I will never forget going there on the first day….I arrive to flowers and balloons.  I don’t know any other psychical therapist that treats their patient like this.  At that moment…I knew that everything was going to be alright.  It’s kind of how I always feel when I am around Jerry. I trust this man like no other.  I know he has my best interest at hand.  He has been the most supportive person this past year second to my husband.  He believes in me more than I believe in myself at times.  If Jerry says I can do it…I then believe that I can.  People are amazed on how strong I am and look...he is a large part of why I am doing as good as I am these days.  He is going to be doing the same triathlon in June as I am (I am sure he will finish a lot earlier than me!!! Haha!) He has been guiding me throughout this triathlon journey.  He has been coaching me every step and I feel so lucky that I have his guidance.  Physical Therapist / Friend / Mentor/ Tri Coach all wrapped into one!!!  Wishing him the happiest of birthdays! Thank you for all you do and thank you for all your support...you are truly the best!

Me and Dr.Jerry last year at therapy

 I hope everyone has a good network of people that they are surrounded by…people who lift you up.  People that believe in you and support you.  I know I have said it many of times…but I truly believe this has been key in my recovery.  Having people who believe in you really makes a difference. 

So true...surround yourself with good and good things will happen!

 My husband promises to return for those who are anxiously waiting his continuation!!!

 Let’s hope Spring gets here and stays!! Wishing you all a wonderful holiday weekend ! xo

 

In sickness and in health...

Last week I had to go for my 6 month MRI to make sure everything in my head is all good.  We went and met with my neurosurgeon yesterday to review the results and he was very pleased with everything he saw and I don’t have to go back to him for another 6 months!!! Although deep down I knew everything was going to be ok I was still very anxious to meet with him.  It’s amazing how someone affects your life…. I don’t look at him as my “doctor”…he is the man who saved my life and the man my family and I will be forever grateful for.  So to see him again made me so happy. He gave me the official green light to move forward with my training….”live your life” were his exact words. These past few months although I have been doing pretty much everything anyway...there is always that question I often ask myself “should I be doing this?” and what I have been realizing is..if I am psychically capable  then 9 times out of 10 my answer is going to be YES.  

Perfect timing with all this…the perfect way to start this week that is going to be filled with celebrating…It’s my husband’s birthday tomorrow!!! And I thought I would pay a little tribute to the man who has been right by side. 

Last Friday, while sitting in the waiting room before getting my MRI done…jokingly Chris pulls out our wedding vows that he has carried in his laptop bag since we got married and goes while trying to keep a very serious face…“ nowhere in here does it say in sickness and in health…I want a refund”.  This is how we have dealt with this entire situation….with a little humor as much as we can. And I truly believe it has worked in our favor.

When I finally came to in the hospital last year and realized all that was going on…I was so touched on how Chris had handled this entire situation.  He rallied for me immediately.  He had all the people there that he knew I would want but also the people who he needed to be there for him.  How he kept everyone informed with his blast facebook posts and group text messages.  When I would finally have the opportunity to actually read everything…I was floored by his daily venting sessions with everyone…it just showed that this “tough guy” that he tries to be really needed the support as much as I did. 

 

The first picture I "approved" in the hospital

He is my biggest supporter….I know he looks at me and is so proud of me but I hope he knows how proud of him I am too.  We are the true definition of a team….again this isn’t just what happened to me it’s what happened to US as a family. 

He knows me so well…he can tell immediately if something is wrong.  Maybe he could always tell but now he really pays attention to it and I think sometimes knows better than me how I’m feeling.  He is incredibly considerate when making plans…and “choosing” what we can and cannot do.  “No Patty has to be somewhere the next day so that won’t work…it will be too much for her”…I listen to him on the phone completely dictating what we are going to do and I don’t mind it one single bit!!!

With this being the craziest year of our lives he would somehow excel at his job too.  Another reason I am so proud of him.  Starting in a new position and then spending 25 days in the hospital with your wife….managing a household with the girls and dogs…but somehow he juggled all of it.  He always made sure I was never alone…he had a schedule of who and when people would come see me….again doing this because he knew once I would wake up he did not want me alone.  On my real bad days knowing that I would never want my daughter to see me like that and using his judgment to not allow her to come…he did what he knew I would want…since day one!  These are the things that I know only someone who truly loves you thinks about.



He asked me if I wanted him to do this upcoming triathlon with me…I know he never ever wanted to do another triathlon…one was enough but the fact that he asked me I appreciated it more than he knows.  I want him on the sidelines cheering for me like he has done since the first day is what I told him.  Not many people have been asked to participate in a triathlon.  Well Chris was asked last year and obliged and kicked ass! Not sure I was ever more proud of him than that day.  I know nowhere in the vows did it ever say anything about doing a triathlon in honor of your wife…haha…but he did!

Chris and the girls at the Paramus Tri 2014

He comes to my important doctor appointments….not only for support but I think he thinks I will forget to ask certain questions or if I will remember to tell him something.  Ha! He tried to throw me under the bus at this last appointment by telling the Dr. that I went snowboarding....and I was so happy when the doctor seemed un-phased.  Sorry babe.

He has also picked up doing much of the laundry on the days I’m not feeling well.  He already takes care of the food shopping as I am not “allowed” to do this..lol. This has always been the case in our marriage pre /post brain surgery. ME food shopping is bad for everyone’s health!

Although he continues to blame his grey hair and a few extra wrinkles under his eyes on me from this past year…I know he is just simply happy that I am still here.  He seems to still love me even at my worst….he is my truest best friend…and I love him more and more each day! I’ve said it so many times…for someone that seems to be so unlucky in many ways I am actually pretty lucky and fortunate were it matters most….that’s what keeps me so positive and keeps me going. 

 

 

Cheers to you babe! Wishing you a very happy birthday and may this year be filled with nothing but positivity and good fortune…and may it be uneventful!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do...I Love you!!! xoxo